Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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