I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
