i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
