you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize