okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
