Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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