kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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