guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
