is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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