Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my phone needs a breathalizer
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
is this the sara with the beer cane?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
