Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
