Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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