we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
