Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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