this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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