maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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