I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
