the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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