you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Still dying that you shit outside
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
