I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
