i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
