it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
