wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize