I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
