is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
