I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
