you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
