Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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