This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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