Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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