i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
two words...techno handjob
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize