i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
