Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
