dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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