Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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