I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
