One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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