I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Someone shit on the floor
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
