hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
