He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
