sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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