the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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