I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
