well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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