I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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