So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
