can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
