Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
