I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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