Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
