no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This baby is an asshole
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
