You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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