You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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