I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
