Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
