Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
