There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
