things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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