So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
