I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
