im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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