It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
