OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize