why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
