remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
