So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
