Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
