xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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