If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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