Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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