You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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