In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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