I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
