Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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